Spread The Word Everyday

Clever parody: http://www.newsday.com/media/flash/2009-04/46217527.swf NOTE: Another email from a relative. Myron@myownfaith2.com

PONDERISMS I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. Never take life seriously Nobody gets out alive anyway. There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. Life is sexually transmitted. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. In the 60s, people took a...

Sign War!!! and the Presbyterians are taking it way too serious. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do dogs go to heaven? This is literally a 'church signs' debate, being played out in a Southern US town, between Our Lady of Martyrs Catholic Church, and Cumberland Presbyterian, a fundamentalist church. From top to bottom shows you the response and counter-response over time. The Catholics are displaying a much better sense of humor! You get the impression that the Presbyterians are actually taking this seriously and are getting a bit upset.... Forward to all animal lovers and you'll get a cookie or dogie biscuit. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2009 STOCK MARKET TERMS CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER -- What my broker has made me. STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock. FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A person whose phone has been disconnected. MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -...

10/4/2008 4:32:56 AM RENAISSANCE FESTIVAL: It’s time for some fun and frivolity! I’m wearing my jocular hat while writing to get y in the mood. Today Sally & I have been married 39 years. What better way to celebrate our wedding day than to head back to the 18th century? My favorite event at the festival is the drunken sot and the gypsies. I like them all! We might even participate in a little political ideologies, all in good humor of course. I’ll have Sally take all the photos. I remember once I asked if I could take a picture of a character. The person replied in a good English dialect, you mean my portrait? They did not have computers back then, not to mention digital photography. So this year I’m going to let Sally take all the “portraits.” Eventually they’ll make their way into our web. Of course, you all reading this most likely didn’t have a clue as to what I just wrote. See ya Myron

10/3/2008 5:31:08 AM PATRIOTS-PATHEADS-PINHEADS & PINHEADS: You all know the dictionary words Patriots and Pinheads. I love Bill O-Reilly’s segment on Fox TV when he reveals the characters involved. I would like to ADD two more words for Mr. O-Reilly, patheads and pintriots. I made it up my friends. This is just my devious mind working overtime before I get busy doing constructive things, like taxes. Yes, I need to do my 2007 taxes ! Here are the definitions: PATRIOT: A person who loves ones country .. Webster PINHEAD: A stupid and silly person .. Webster PATHEAD: A patriot and a pinhead, the majority being a patriot .. Myron PINTRIOT: a pinhead and a patriot, the majority being a pinhead .. Myron So let me explain a little bit about my grading system. PATHEAD: A + (95-93) A (92-89) A – (88-79) B + (84-87) B (81-83) B - (77-80) C + (73-76) C (69-72) C – (65-68) D + (61-64) D (56-60) D – (51-55) PINTRIOT: A + (46-50) A (41-45) A – (36-40) B + (31-35) B (26-...